Text Flirting: Understanding Her Hesitation

by Gareth Jones on January 6, 2011

All decked out for NYE 2011.

Happy New Year! For the new year, a new thought:

Texting helps to understand her hesitation.

One of the best parts of text flirting is that people are willing to say things over text that they wouldn’t say in person. This is an advantage to us seducers, because we can push ourselves to be a little more direct, a little more dominant, and a little more sexual than we might be willing to be in person ;). Once we start getting positive reactions to these new efforts, it gives us more confidence to embody them in person and can help us transform to more dominant and sexual men (always good).

Recently, however, I had the brainstorm that this also plays a role in the way that we decipher those hard-to-read women. An incredible thing happened with a girl that I would love to share with you.

She was one of those women that was very frank. She did not speak very often, though everything she said was valuable. That is a rare quality in LA and, as my friend James Marshall said after I recounted our incredible first date to him, “How does it feel to date a girl that says very little and means what she says?”

Incredible, is how it felt, but it was also very slow-going. If I was to judge our relationship based on our body language, I would say she sorta liked me. Technical terms, of course. If I was to judge our relationship based only on the words she said, I would say she barely tolerated me. However, if I was to judge our relationship based solely on what went on in her eyes when we looked at each other, I could confidently tell you we were both hopelessly infatuated with each other.

You see the position I was in. Tough.

I was in this constant vortex, bouncing between did she really hate me or did she really like me. She had so many other guys around her, vying for her attention (as all high-value women do), that I really did not know if she was just an incredible attractive woman that hooked every guy with her incredible ability to speak love with her eyes, or if I really did make a connection and she just had a tough exterior (from every douche bag trying to get in her pants). I had to figure it out and, when she texted me one night (an IOI), I found the opportunity.

We texted for a while about mutual likes and dislikes for a bit (a must before delving into qualification), and then I told her how interesting it was that the impression I get when I look in her eyes is completely different from what she says to me. I told her that I thought she was cold-as-ice to me and she, much to my surprise, laid it right down on the line for me.

She explained simply that I hadn’t opened up to her enough for her to open up to me (ironic, because I thought it was the other way around!), and that she was very interested in me, but she didn’t know if it was safe inside my world, yet.

This was amazing and an incredible explanation for me. I’m one of a very select group of men in the world that have the pleasure of understanding most of what women are thinking, but sometimes we still get caught up and forget that, sometimes, the most simple way to find out is to ask her! Text allows us her the distance that acts as a buffer zone, so (in most cases) she won’t be afraid that we’ll take advantage of it.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that big relationship discussions should be held over text and I’m CERTAINLY not saying that it is a good way to find out things that you can use to manipulate a woman. What I want you to consider is that the same distance (buffer zone) that allows you the confidence to try things you’re a bit afraid of, can help her to feel more comfortable to ease into the more personal and relationship-oriented discussions at the beginning of a courtship. This text buffer-zone can be a great way to help understand where she’s coming from when interacting with you.

Remember that, even though beautiful women have more social experience and more experience dealing with the ups and downs of courtships, they are often still nervous about a man’s intentions. It is our job, much like every aspect of the seduction, to make sure that she’s comfortable and that she knows we have her best intentions at heart (because, you do – RIGHT??).

Hope this helps!

-Gareth Jones

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Psych January 12, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Excellent post bro! You actually touched on something really important here, beyond simple text game, which is understanding WHY the girl does the things she does. When you figured out the reason for her not opening up to you, the function behind her actions, you instantly knew how to game the situation well. I actually wrote up a very similar post myself here on “Meta Calibration” http://psychofgame.com/2011/01/12/meta-calibration/ would love to get your thoughts!

Keep up the good work my man!



Gareth Jones January 13, 2011 at 5:13 am

Thanks Psych,
I appreciate the thoughts and you’re dead on about meta-calibration. One of the problems with being so focused on the trees (“What routine do I use when…”, “What kind of shirt should i buy if…”, “What should I text her if…”) is that you miss the forest, completely. E.g. If you’re dating a girl that’s been cheated on several times, her receptivity to a relationship with you might be considerably different that a girl that has gotten out of a fiery LTR a month ago.

Again, dead-on, and thanks for reading. I’ll be sure to check out your blog, as well!



The Jester October 3, 2011 at 11:23 pm

In addition to your example of learning about one another, I’ve noticed from my own encounters that texting is also used as a common starting point for conflict resolution. It’s a less-vulnerable method than putting all of your chips on the table in person.

Personally, I like face to face encounters, especially when sensitive issues need addressing.

But as my text skills have grown, my openness to the many ways one message can be interpreted has grown too.


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