Why I dress the way I do.
Recently, the ABCs of Attraction was asked to give seven style tips for a piece called ‘Seduce with Style’ written by our friend AlphaWolf over at PUA Lingo and Seduction List.
While it floated around our company for review and edits, one of the points lit the fuse of a large powder keg in my mind. I felt that the tip, though only referenced briefly for the purposes of the article, should be expanded upon for greater influence and explanation. This tip was as follows:
“You’re Missing The Point of Peacocking.
Remember that “Peacocking” was originally the act of wearing ONE item that would give a woman a reason (and thereby, the opportunity) to approach you. Of course, the founding members of that theory took it to it’s extreme (as the fathers of a theory are wont to do – see: Socrates), but that does not mean WE need to. Nowadays, a feather boa and a cowboy hat go overboard and elicit negative impressions from women. Something subtle, like a well-chosen ring or a fancy tie-bar will set you apart from the rest, additionally proving that you have both style AND class.”
That pretty much makes clear the feelings I have about peacocking, but I’ve been receiving a lot of emails that are saying I’m speaking conceptually and not from actual experience. Most of these emails say that the rules I’m advocating are falling under the “Do as I say, not as I do” category. These objections are pretty easy to understand because, well, I look like this….
I will be the first to readily admit that my style of dress certainly does not hurt me when I’m sarging, but the reason it works is because my identity is congruent with my appearance (congruence is the state of things agreeing) and that indicates, subconsciously – in most cases, that I have no ulterior motives or intentions (intention, of course, is the purpose or attitude behind our actions).
Before even picking up The Game, I toured with several rock bands all around the country. My long-hair-don’t-care style of dress was a direct product of being on stage and leading a life of rock and roll sensibility since I was 16, not an attempt to Peacock. Because of this, I don’t think twice about the way I’m dressed when I’m with a girl. That is congruence.
Most of us have read The Definitive Book of Body Language (a MUST READ for all PUAs) and so we understand that because a woman has between 14 and 16 areas of the brain to evaluate other’s behavior (vs. a man’s four to six areas), she is going to be much better adapted to reading our intentions. In most cases, this is what sinks us when using canned routines, and what saves us when we are truly attracted to a girl, but are shaking in our boots.
When a woman feels we are being congruent, she interacts more freely with us, allowing the conversation to continue smoothly (provided you’re not saying anything jackasstastic). However, when a woman feels we are being incongruent, her female intuition (read: Spidey-Sense) starts tingling and we are on our way to the bottom of the pickup ocean. When your personality does not match your behaviors, actions or fashion sense, it reads like a big red warning sign to women and, since women are twice as good at interpreting not verbal cues than men are, she picks up on it right away!
Let’s break this down:
If you are dressing a certain way specifically to ‘get girls’ your style of dress will be incongruent with your personality which will make your intentions more obvious to women, setting off her biological alarms.
In general, I always encourage my students to dress in whatever way makes them comfortable, provided they make the effort to be presentable and stay congruent with their personality. You don’t need to spend an hour doing your hair or wear a $3,000 suit jacket every night and it is perfectly fine to be a jeans and a t-shirt kind of guy, but make sure you’re that all your clothing is clean and well fitting. This will transmit to women that you possess a personal style and that you pay attention to detail. And these qualities can be as compelling and attractive to her as a feather boa and cowboy hat is on another PUA.
I hope this helps!
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
One thing that I noticed after 1 year in the game about dressing.
Dress up like an adult= Buy a sport shirt instead of a tshirt; boots( chelsea, chukka, millitary, etc..) and shoes instead of sneakers. Leather Jacket instead of hoodie; cool belt buckle instead of plain belt; blazer and coat ( eg; military style ); tie and scarf; black boots + fitted jeans/pants are necessary.
Be really careful when selecting tops, bottoms, accessories and shoes otherwise you will waste your money. See your previous collection first ( what you currently have ), is there any jeans that matches to your top? is there any tops that matches to your jeans cut?; is there any shoes that matches to your jeans and pants to your blazer or jacket ?; also consider the color wise.
for example, if you purchase the coolest Mark Nason boots but most of your jeans are dry jeans and your tops are polo that you kinda f*ckup your style
invest in style book to see what most people wear to give you some kind of idea about fashion.
or you might want to try zara or Homini Emerito or H&M or least choice Guess+ AX ( which is overprice)
If you are good with black color then stick with it rather than experimenting with ridiculous color; but if you are newbie then try to experiments with other color so that you know which are goo and not good for you.
If you want to buy expensive sneakers try to aim designer sneakers.
let say if you wear Nike ( $100 ) … people might less care… but if you wear GUCCI ( buy it on sale might cost you $300 without tax) ..girls are looking your feet ( this is just for gold digger only ^_^ not recommended to aim for relationship).
Do not fall into stereotypes= When I was FOB, I read a lot of article Asian ( yep it’s right, not all of them is true ) most people think that Asian are cheap. Nonetheless, I found that most my peers and college acquaintances wearing famous designer fashion from the top to the bottom eg; Burberry- Prada -LV. Anyhow, I still remember when I took my first Boot camp I have designer jeans and Konstantino necklaces that cost me $$$ from Neiman Marcus. Guess what.. That day on night game, most girls did not even give a shit about my necklace and less care about the jeans brand. One year later, the only one that give complement to my necklace are black guy -_-!! perhaps I choose wrong necklace damn it…. however,girls come up to me and complemented my jacket or shoes.. never about jeans or shirt…
dress accordingly to the event, you do not want to dress like you’re going to night club when you are in campus or workplace. I used to dress very formal in campus that when acquaintances or friends pass by they would asked me like …damn man .. you look good where you gonna go ? … or are you going to have a business meeting ? or are you going to date?…and so on…
Good tips, but remember the old adage that we say at the ABCs of Attraction: The Beginners think ‘what’, the average think ‘how’, and the experts think ‘where’. This whole post is about finding what’s comfortable for you and using it as a springboard for success. So, while your tips are appreciated, keep in mind that it’s missing the point of the whole blog a bit.
Thanks for reading!
-G
ABC’s = Always Be Closing,,, playa….. i find the easiest is to be fucking don’t give a shit about impressing the girl…..2many girls want goo goo and gaga men…. if she likes you bc she thinks you have money, you dont want that biatch anyway….
my strategy ….. you wanna go out? no…ok time and money saved trying to change her mind…
Yes….. ok pick you up this time/place…. always be the boss…… she cant then ok what time? (if she wants your number and then talk about it) dont bother its gonna be waste of time…
pick her up……take her to your house to get something 😉 start kissing her, she doesnt want to then tell her to get a ride home some other way…. because you dont like the head games…..9/10 times she will fuck you
Hey Gareth!
I’ve been an avid fan of yours for quite some time now, and really dig what you’re doing for the whole PUA scene.
I was just curious about the comments you made in the original blog regarding small accent pieces like tie-bars, etc. I see a lot of accessories and things like these being thrown around en masse by all sorts of people, and some of them look just horrible. Any advice for places to find trinkets like these, and more importantly, any advice on the best way to wear them so it doesn’t come-off as hackneyed and/or contrived?
Thanks!
Jeff
Hey Jeff,
Thanks for reading! I’m glad you’re following along. I hope I can help you get to the place that you’re reaching for, as quickly as possible.
As far as mancessories go (Tie bars, Collar pins, cufflinks, moneyclips, etc), the best way to go is VINTAGE! I know it might seem completely cliche, but I’m afraid there’s no other way around it; the best stuff is the old stuff (provided it’s been taken care of – polished, etc.). Searching eBay (and, interestingly enough, Googling and then clicking the ‘shopping’ tab) pulls up amazing results. Right now, tie bars and collar pins are JUST coming back into style and are only worn by the real fashion go-getter, which means that you can find them on the down-low for quite cheap. I recently found this gold collar bar for $5 while shopping for my mom. Actually, that site is great for finds.
If you’re not into the online arena, check out flea markets. Cufflinks, Collar Bars, Tie Clips/Pins are the kind of thing that everyone is trying to get rid of because we’ve all gone on a buying spree at some point in our lives (like right now) and, fortunately for us, very rarely do people have any idea of the value of such things, so they will sell them in a lot or for very inexpensive, hoping to earn some quick cash. Antique stores are also a great place, but shop owners generally take their time and know what they are doing, which reduces the risk of super-bargain.
As for how to how to wear these kinds of things. I’ll give you a few quick tips, but only some of the really great sartorial sites like GQ and, another favorite, Gentleman’s Corner can really put you on the right path.
Good question, though, and I think it deserves a longer response than what I’ve written! I’ll put it in the stacks!
Thanks for reading,
-G
Love your article, Gareth. It makes a lot of sense and I experienced the same things when I was experimenting with style a few years back.
When I went out I went in my usual style of dress which is: Semi formal pants, neat button up shirt with the 2 top buttons open and also hanging out and a torc around my neck. I experimented with going out in my business attire which was formal clothes and it attracted some attention but it didn’t work as well as my normal style. Oh and of course my major peacock advantage is my hair, I’ve got really long straight hair and I’ve found that my hair attracts women 90% of the time. It suits me so it worked for me.
Glad you enjoyed it, Chevalier! I’m really glad you’re experimenting and not just taking other people’s advice. That’s one of the most important elements of full-blown success!
Take care,
-G
Yeah, what kind of loser would spend an hour on his hair?! Psh, it’s all about being low maintenance.
Ahem. “You don’t NEED to spend an hour doing your hair…”
Your mohawk doesn’t say “I spend to much time on my hair”. It says: “DJ Fuji is so good, he can pick up GRAVITY.”
I can personally vouch for this, as as much as 10 years ago, way before I got into the community and learned ANYTHING about picking up women (only been in it for a year) I tried different styles of dress to try to get women, and I got the same results no matter what my style of dress, and one of those styles was the rock star look, which is kind of the look I go for now.
Now I actually get positive responses from both men and women, and several have called me a rock star.
All due to congruence, which is what this article seems to be about. My question to you: When is peacocking NOT wrong? I mean, as I see it, peacocking is basically wearing something crazy just so women will notice you, right? To me it would seem impossible to ‘peacock’ and be congruent at the same time. Unless peacocking can happen without the wearer intended to peacock.
Hello there! This article couldn’t be written any better! Going through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept talking about this. I most certainly will send this post to him. Pretty sure he’ll have a very good read. I appreciate you for sharing!
I personally believe that It’s not really about a certain style. All women look for different things in men. Sure you might say they might approach you more or have something to say, But the fact of the matter is most women would rather be approached. I would say where something nice but don’t overdress. Be yourself and stop worrying so much. If your having fun she will. Oh and btw the best pick-up line is I’m ________, And you are? Not hi or hello this is what she’s expecting. She will then judge by your style and proceed either to tell you her name or not. The Important thing to remember is you don’t get them all but chances are if your just doing your thing she will be interested.