I hate buses. At present, it’s 8:19am on a gloomy Boston morning. I’ve just boarded the 8:10 bus back to Newburyport (where I live) an entire day later than expected. It’s a nice bus and it smells like fresh plastic, but I’m dirty, sweaty, tired, hungover, and in the same yellow polo and blue trousers I was in when I left Georgetown for the Washington/Dulles International Airport to head home two days ago. The story of my tardy arrival, however, is worth the trouble of the bus.

This weekend, we did a bootcamp in Washington DC and it was amazing. A brilliant experience was had by all and lots of lives were forever changed. As that adventure came to a close, I celebrated it per my usual routine: Airport home. After going through security at Dulles, I had a bit of a wander through the long concourse of terminals B and C, looking in the stores and halfheartedly replying to the conversation-starved salespeople at Brooks Brothers and Solstice who, for some reason, always seem convinced I’m going to buy something. I usually am.

On my stroll, I passed a little wine bar that began to plant the subconscious seeds of desire in my brain and got me thinking about a nice, cold glass of champagne. Actually, it got me thinking about a case of champagne, but who’s counting besides Rachel, the black, 20-something behind the bar at Vino Volo. Deciding champagne was a bit ambitious (and no less pretentious) at 2:30 in the afternoon on a Monday, I ordered a glass of California Chardonnay (aged in metal casks = gross) after increasing the population of the restaurant 100% with my presence. The place was lonely but, as is wont to happen when a guy like me makes his mark at an establishment, the babes soon started rolling in.

And when I say babes, I mean two single 40+ BBWs. If you don’t know what a BBW is, it’s probably for the best. Just keep reading.

The two women sat separately at the bar, taking up quite a bit of space (I am not saying this to be rude, only because it becomes logistically relevant in the near future) and having conversations about the first’s trip to India for a detox on her lonesome and the second’s Idon’treallyknowwhatbecauseIwasn’tlistening. About 8 minutes into my Chard, a very attractive woman of about 28 steps into the enclosed bar-area looking like she just stepped off of a plane from Monaco. In fact, she actually just stepped off of the plane from Tuscany and was on her way back to San Diego. A few of you may be able to make aesthetic inferences with that knowledge.

The first thing I thought when the tall, slender brunette with the white linen pants, tasteful, black satin tubetop and thatched fedora started moving towards the bar was “Fuck. My bag is leaning up against the chair next to me. She’ll never sit there. How do I move it without making it excruciatingly obvious what my intentions are??” Realistically, I didn’t give a shit about my busty midwives, so, I just kicked it over, gave it one of those ‘What demon possesses you that you may move of your own volition” looks, leaned over and moved it to the other side of my chair. Smooth as butta.

She didn’t end up sitting next to me anyway, but she only sat one seat away, which is practically perfect in every way. After thinking for a bit about it (because, I really do consider whether or not I want to interact with someone on account of my timeframe and mental capacity at that moment; After bootcamps I’m really tuckered and often just want to be in my own head for a bit), I decided that I had an entire hour and it would be silly for me to not have a go at this woman who, unbeknownst to her, had sat herself down next to the Best New Master Pickup Artist of 2010.

A is for Approach

I opened situationally and it was a hit. Rachel, the sommelier, had brought three “flights” (three small tastes of wine) to each of the three women sitting at the bar. I only had one glass, opting for quantity over quality: Generally a terrible mantra in a wine bar. Taking a look around, I readied myself and then rehearsed my opener in my head (as I knew it was going to be a bit tricky), and casually announced it to the room.

“Well, we’ve got four women, ten glasses of wine, and me. I like these odds.”

This is not only a hilarious opener that made all the women giggle, but quite a nice bit of foreshadowing, as well.

B is for Banter

All laughed, but I only turned to one to continue the conversation, obviously. She and I spoke about where she was coming from and where I was going to, etc, etc. It was actually fairly standard human banter, rather than all the crazy “This ring means you like it in the butt” or whatever PUA banter shit happens. What I did, however, was I made very strong eye contact and smiled in a way that made her feel like a million bucks. When your nonverbal communication is functioning at full, what you say matters very little. Remember only 13% of what you communicate to women has to do with the words coming out of your mouth.

Of course, I did tease her and was generally charming and clever, but I was interrupted by the sommelier returning and encouraging me to continue my conversation about the origins of my job. I had begun telling her about the bootcamps and now, I could very plainly see, she was aware of the level of flirting going on between myself and the brunette and was trying to spoil it.

What a cunt.

But, it’s either a win, loss, or tie in life, so I reframed the “Pick Up Artist” into the “Dating Coach” to see what would happen. She bit. I was stoked.

“OMG. I TOTALLY need your help. Do you help women too?” No, but yes, but not professionally, etc.

This is a pretty common reaction when I tell girls I’m a dating coach for the ABCs of Attraction, so I navigated the conversation by changing it into me qualifying her about the kind of guys she dates. “So, you’d say you’re the fun one in the relationship most of the time? What do you do when you meet someone that’s more fun than you? Is that a threat? Do you find being with someone intelligent challenges you more to be a better lover?”

All of these were not only amusing her, but intriguing her, which is generally how I like to create bonds when I know I only have a short period of time with a girl. Attraction is nice, but can fizzle over a period of time without contact, and it can also be extinguished by self-destructive girls surprised at how much they actually like you. However, attraction AND intrigue is unbiased and almost always perpetually permeating.

C is for Comfort

After the initial banter and qualifying questions, we started talking about her dating history, this threw us right into C with the easy application of some Comfort Leading Questions like “What’s the craziest thing you’e ever done for a guy?” and, since we were already sitting down, she was both emotionally and physically comfortable. This was all a very simple transition and was easy to maintain, as she was talkative and interested in the subject. I got to learn about her quite quickly, but my flight was minutes away from boarding, so I had to pay the bill and head off to my gate.

D is for Direct Interest

After paying, I told her that if I was ever in San Diego, we ought to hook up and grab a drink and for her to give me her number. It was very simple and, when you’ve established that level of comfort and rapport, the number is barely even an afterthought. Using Enthusiasm and Persistence, I got her number, we hugged and I left for my gate. The End.

D is for Delay

I practically run to my gate to find that I’ve been delayed another 2 hours. Holy crap, Jetblue.

My Modus Operandi in a situation like this is to find the nearest bar and start washing away the time with either Gin & Tonics or Newcastle. This occasion was no exception other than I had the very clever idea to find out what my little brunette was doing. So, without a thought, I texted her. The texts are below and I’ll spare you line by line explanation (see my expert Text to Sex program) because we’re already 1500 words in and I still have quite a ways to go.

So, a few things: You can see I’m using Confidence, Dominance, and Persistence to line up the meeting as outlined in our Text to Sex program.

As for baits, I’m using tons of questions to get her responsive and then a bit of teasing (I actually didn’t think there was a Z gate, as I was at B). When she starts telling me that Subway is the place to be, I have to tease her a bit to spike her BT and then solidify the meetup by arranging drinks in advance, this is almost kind of leverage to get her over but, in this case, anything is better than trying to convince her to join me, which is where a lot of guys falter. I give her directions, order her drink and tell her to come. It’s just as simple as that.

10 minutes later, she’s sitting across from me and we’re back on track. This time, her wine has settled in, I’ve had a Newcastle and we’re using sexually charged Banter to continue through D. This is when the shit-tests start rolling in (She’s thinking; “If I’m going to seriously flirt with this guy, I need to know it’s worth it.”).

I’m getting questions about my age followed by “Aw, that’s adorable” as I find out she’s NOT 28, but she’s 36: 10 years older than me. I respond my talking about how she’s just hit her sexual peak and it must be tough with older guys, as they’re well past their prime.

She gets introspective and then gives me the look. Boom.

We’re flirting like crazy now. At this point, we’re teasing each other a ton. There’s a lot more kino and she’s very clearly hit the hook point (the point at which she would rather spend time with me than be by herself or with someone else). Remembering we only have an hour until her flight leaves, she giggles and tells me that I’m coming back on the train with her to Gate Z to keep her company. Bam.

Wait. There really is a Gate Z? Wait. You really DID take a train to get here?

After the second drink, we have about 25 minutes until her flight takes off, so I pay the bill and we move quickly down the terminal towards the train. We’re still laughing and playing around with each other and she starts fake yelling at me while we’re hustling to the train, making everyone look over at me like I’m an asshat. Incredible.

“You’re SERIOUSLY going to yell at me about that? It’s a Microwave, Gareth, not a baby. I didn’t put a fork in our BABY!”

People are looking at me like I’m insane, so I’ve gotta counter. Mind you, this is all happening as we’re practically running to the train.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I don’t have time for this shit. If this is going to be another repeat of Acapulco, I’m going home right now. I don’t care how expensive this goddamn cruise was. I’m done. DONE!”

We finally get to the train and have a laugh. I get my bearings because she’s not paying any attention to any logistical details at all. I see that Gate Z is the next stop and the train starts moving. The momentum of the train, plus two Jack and Sprites causes her to stumble forward into me, I wrap my arms around her, pull her close and say “Woah. Woah. Slow down, there, drunkie. I’m not that kind of guy.”

I have her firmly grasped and she blushes, shaking me off and telling me that it was an accident and she lost her balance. However, the way she looked at me told me that it wasn’t an entirely unpleasant experience and the way she let her fingers slide off of me told me she was not particularly into the idea of letting go (the Power of Kino!). It was on.

It was at this point I decided I needed to make this work.

We hopped off the train (in the middle of fucking nowhere) and practically ran to her gate. She was saying “If my flight is delayed, too, I’m gonna be so pissed haha” and just as we rounded the corner, we saw the line from the gate counter which signaled there was a type of delay that was causing people to rebook their flights. She stopped in her tracks, cast a dramatic look (as beautiful women are wont to do), uttered an expletive and we both walked slowly to the line. Her flight had been delayed two hours. Now, she was going to miss her connecting flight in North Carolina.

She. Was. Pissed.

“What the fuck? What. the. fuck. Now, I’m gonna miss my connecting flight. What the hell kind of shit is this??” etc etc etc unbearably etc

We wait in line and I calm her down. Don’t tell a woman to calm down, help her calm down.

I say that we’ll check it out and see what we can do. They always have other options and the activity of changing flights and rebooking is never that hard. She tries to get uppity and is ignoring my calm words, so I grab her by the shoulders and look her in the eye.

“STOP.” I tell her, firmly.

She’s a bit flabberghasted that I’ve raised my voice. I lower it again to barely a whisper, and look directly into her eyes. “We’ll do everything we can, but there’s no sense in being worked up about it. You’re going to be stuck in this situation whether or not you feel good, so let’s try to make it better.”

She just looks at me in a kind of “Wait.. are you demonstrating serious manliness right now?” I was.

It was our turn in line and I let her talk to the little mexican woman behind the counter, but as soon as she opened her mouth, it was an avalanche of “What the hell is this airline’s problem?” and “What the hell are you going to do for me?”

As soon as I realized it was going south, I stopped her, took her boarding passes out of her hand and literally sent her away with a pat on the butt, telling her I’d handle it.

Serious James Bond shit.

I spoke to the woman about the options, basically coming to the conclusion that there was no other option than to delay her flight from Dulles to North Carolina until 6am so that she could make a flight to San Diego without spending 6+ hours in the NC airport. While she rattled on her discontent slightly off to the side of the gate attendant’s desk, I made all efforts to ask her if she was alright with that, while I began my own little scheme.

She had shown that she understood it was her only option, so I went ahead and booked that flight for her and spent a little bit more time explaining what was happening and what was going on, making sure I got as much information about her two flights and the location of luggage from the gate attendant. After writing it all down, I went back to explain what was going on to my Italian princess who was, in almost every sense of the words, acting out the title. I explained to her that we were going to walk back over to my flight while I explained what was going on, as I was running out of time before my own takeoff.

We started walking back to the beloved train while she bitched about her flight. She bitched and bitched and bitched. Down the hallway she bitched. Around the corner she bitched. In fact, when we finally got to the escalator that took us down to the train, I had one of my rare-but-powerful masculine thoughts pop into my head.

I needed to shut her up. So, I kissed her.

D is DEFINITELY for Romance

Though, the first kiss on the escalator wasn’t exact the ideal romantic setting any woman hopes for, it was exactly what she needed to relax and enjoy the moment. I simply looked at her, grabbed her and kissed her. I felt like Cary Grant. She immediately wrapped her arms around each other, only pulling away to get off the escalator without falling to the ground in a pile of limbs. We held hands and kissed from that point forward. The train was lovey-dovey kissing; feeling each other out to see how one another liked to be treated. The hallways to the gates were quick, passionate and lustful kisses tasting of the future, when we could release the pent-up tension alone, in bed, somewhere.

When we arrived at my gate, we found that my flight had been delayed another 3 hours or something ridiculous (I don’t remember the specifics, as I already realized exactly what was going to happen). We had an uproarious fit of laughter at our misfortune and then I directed us to another nearby Mexican restaurant where we ordered margaritas and I hopped on the horn to finalize my plan.

E is for Extract and Escalate.

Logistics will be the death of you, so I had to do everything I could to make sure they were handled. I stepped out while she waited for drinks to arrive and immediately called JetBlue to see what time flights started the next day.

Here’s me running logistics (remember beginner’s think what, the average think how, but experts think WHERE):

“Hello, JetBlue? Could I get one around 6am? I could? Amazing. I’ve been delayed so many times today… can you reschedule me? It’ll cost more? How much? Okay, that’s fine. Here’s my card number… 5:30am? Perfect. Thank you. Have a nice day. Hi, this is Gareth Jones calling from Dulles Airport, I was wondering if you guys had rooms available tonight. Just one bed. Great. How much is that? And if I book through priceline or another partner, would that get me a discount? Oh, you DO have some coupons there? That would be amazing. So how much would it be for the two of us? No, just one room. Two Adults. And that’s with the discount? Amazing. We’ll be there in about an hour. Yes, Gareth Jones plus guest. Thank you.”

I walked back to the girl and explained that my company has rescheduled my flight (thanks, JT!) and that I’m leaving at the same time she is. She laughed a bit and reflected on the irony over her margarita and then I told her where her bags were and that our plan was to go get the bags and take a taxi to the Whatever, Virginia Four Points Sheraton, or wherever we were going. She told me she hadn’t booked a room or anything, and I told her I took care of it. They were expecting us.

She gave me an impressed and aroused look. Boom.

The rest of the story is pretty obvious and there’s not too much reason to wax on poetically past 3,300 words: We retrieved her bags, caught a cab to the hotel, went up to the room and I immediately threw her on the bed and tore all her clothes off.

It was all fairly straightforward from there; we spent about two hours in bed and then showered together. After we showered, we went down and had dinner in the restaurant, came back upstairs and went immediately to bed to wake up at 3am to get to the airport for our 5:30am flights.

At security, we parted ways with a kiss, but I knew we wouldn’t speak again. This was an adventure and it was meant to be nothing but. That being said, it was a very, very lovely adventure.

Pardon me for looking so drunk (and sweaty):

Of all the techniques in Pick Up, few are more misunderstood than the act of “Negging.” A little while ago, I wrote about the concept of Peacocking and, believe me, that runs a close second on the list of misinterpreted Pick Up skills, but Negging by far takes the cake as the leader in it‘s field.

Let me get this out of the way, as one of the Pick Up techniques that seeks to help a man gain power in the interaction through creating insecurity in women, neither myself nor the ABCs Of Attraction encourage the use of Negging. In fact, we don’t even teach them. Seduction can be achieved by becoming an attractive man and leading an attractive lifestyle, then showing a woman these qualities in yourself by learning to communicate with her and by ‘giving value‘, so Negs are completely unnecessary. To seduce with deception and ill-intent is underhanded and devious, directly conflicting with one of our principle beliefs, “Leave them better than you found them”, one of the most important in the community. However, since it would be presumptuous to assume I am going to sway the course of the entire social revolution, I’ll at least teach you how to do it properly.

In The Game, Neil Strauss paints a pretty cool picture that displays Negging as the one thing guys have been missing for so many years that can almost immediately transfer the weight and leadership of a seduction. This, as a whole, is fairly true. However, what he does not do or, more accurately, what has been overlooked in the history of the mainstream interpretation of seduction since The Game hit the NY Times Bestseller list, is give an explanation of the nuances of Negs and why we even use them in the first place.

To this day, the women that I have met that know even the most basic concepts of Pick Up have heard of Negging and, because of it’s blatant misuse in the PUA community, they use it as a catalyst to take the position that Pick Up is a load of hogwash. Since you, I, and all the women we’ve had relationships with know this to be untrue, why do they stick to this viewpoint?

Frankly, if you look at the seduction from her perspective, to misuse Negging immediately puts you into a category of rude and, even worse, miscalibrated guys that do not understand women (or social interaction) in the least. Whether this is actually true of your character or not, Negs are such a powerful device that to use them inappropriately will almost certainly cause more harm than good that their proper use can. It is because of this one characteristic that I think it’s necessary to flesh out what Negging is and how to avoid misusing it.

What You Need To Know First:

At clubs (especially strip clubs), there are women that consider themselves the absolute apex of the social world and consider everyone other than them less important, less popular, less desirable and, I’d even go so far as to say, imperfect. They consider themselves first class citizens and, unless you are both rich AND famous AND handsome, you’re not in the same league as they are. These women are fairly easy to spot. They are usually very tan, very tall (with extremely tall heels), have bodywork like breast augmentation and collagen in their lips, are very skinny and are usually wearing brightly colored (or highly noticeable) outfits.

In Hollywood, it’s usually a short, low-cut dress. They are often platinum blonde, but are most definitely some altered hair color, as most everything about their look has been altered to be closer to what both the media and popular culture refer to as “perfect”. These women are “perfect” looking, but are mentally imperfect. They often have eating disorders or what we call “daddy issues” and they consider themselves a league above men and this is where the strength of Negging lies.

It is important for me to introduce the fact that these types of women are not “HB10s” or, if you’re not hip to the Pick Up lingo, the most desirable girls in the club. There are many types of attractive women and the mentally stable ones are the most desirable (these are the 10s). The women that are emotionally healthy are without an inherent narcissism and, in most cases Negs will just offend them because their intelligence and social ability will take precedence over the belief that they are the best that the women described above have; The women that we call “Tanorexics”.

What Is Negging?

Negging is a specific throwaway statement designed to take a woman off of the aforementioned pedestal by making her question her perfection and suffering brief insecurity. Nasty, I know. Yuck. This insecurity is supposed to link a feeling of inadequacy to her in her interactions with you, so that you will hold the more secure and powerful frame in the conversation. Again, nasty.

The classic examples of Negs are phrases like “You’ve got something on your face” or, indirectly, “Is she always like this?” They are quick statements meant to be delivered without reaction-seeking, so that the feeling of insecurity is quick and she doesn’t have time to justify it. You are to move on from it quickly and to stack forward, immediately. This is where we lose most guys.

A lot of guys (myself included) are really interested in her reactions during the interaction. In fact, I think the most fun thing about the act of seduction is seeing her change from cold-hearted club girl to a giddy, talkative friend that enjoys spending time with you. That transition is amazing and we spend a lot of effort watching her to see the process unfold. When delivering Negs, paying attention to the outcome is fatal. If you’re paying attention to her outcome (or even allowing her to respond in most cases), she will pick up that it is a device meant to achieve some sort of result, and it’s effect will be lost.

This is why it’s so underhanded: we are trying to achieve something without letting her know what we’re doing. I hate that.

Frankly, one of my favorite times when first meeting a beautiful woman is when you know she likes you and didn’t expect to, she knows you like her and didn’t expect to, and you both talk about how cool and unexpected it is. When using insecurity as a leverage to bring a girl closer to you, you almost always lose the ability to connect with her on an honest and personal level. That’s no fun at all.

So, without adding any sort of underhanded meanings to this article, which is purely to break down a well-used seduction technique so people can at least use it properly, I give this knowledge to you and hope that you use it wisely. As always, I highly encourage you to to go out into the world and make other people’s lives better. I guarantee that when you start living the life of an attractive, confident, and social man, you won’t have to hurt people to get what you want and that you’ll find the confident, intelligent, and beautiful women that you’ve been dreaming about since day two will begin to come to you.

That’s all for now, folks.

Remember; better than yesterday!

The Seduction From Her Perspective

If you’ve taken a bootcamp with me, you’ve heard me talk about the standard conversation men ALWAYS have with women at bars. In fact, I ALWAYS talk about this with guys because it is the point that, generally, any woman that has seen me speak at a conference or seminar or bootcamp consistently agrees with me on (and if you’re a woman and you disagree, please feel free to comment!). For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll elaborate.

When women go to bars, guys (not the ABCs Trained Guys!) generally make terrible conversation. After whatever opener they decide to use (lame or otherwise), they’ll end up falling off the face of planet interesting and ending up in the downward spiral of value-taking that looks something like this:

Guy: So, what’s your name?
Girl: Her response doesn’t matter.
Guy: Oh, cool. I’m Brad.
Girl: Nice to meet you, Brad.
Guy: Awesome. So, where do you live?
Girl: Response doesn’t matter.
Guy: Awesome. Did you go to school out there or….?
Girl: Yes/No. Doesn’t matter.
Guy: Oh, cool. Where did you go to school?
Girl: School. Doesn’t matter where she says.
Guy: Oh, awesome. I have a friend that goes there. So, what did you go to school for?
Girl: Doesn’t matter what she says.
Guy: Way cool. So, are you doing that now or….?
Girl: Yes or No. If no: What she’s doing now.
Guy: Oh, cool. Do you like that?
Girl: Yes/No. Doesn’t matter.
Guy: Oh, cool.

When I actually type it out, you can see how lame it is, but be honest and ask yourself if you’re guilty of conducting a conversation like this because I know I am.

A bunch of times.

In fact, any time I don’t want to talk to some squirrely girl that’s drunkenly wandered up to me while I’m with a 1on1 student or patiently watching some guys on a bootcamp in set, I’ll execute this conversation and she’ll just wander off, sad that I’m not as interesting as I look. Seriously. That’s how effective it is as a woman-repellent.

Now, look at it from the woman’s perspective; you are one of maybe 5 or 6 guys that have gotten past the opener and interested her enough for her to stand there and give you a shot. This is your shot.

Your job, as a man, is to emotionally engage her. It’s your job to be different and interesting and to provide stimulation so that she’ll want to spend more time with you. That’s how mating works.

A lot of the PUA community focuses on how to get her super sexually attracted to you so she’ll bang you in 3 seconds or whatever and, that’s all well and good, but that’s not going to build relationships and I know pretty damn well that most stable, intelligent, and emotionally-healthy men out there want CHOICE, not a billion quick lays that amount to nothing. Yes, this means you.

It’s okay. It’s okay. Settle down. No one’s gonna find out you’re not trying to be the pussy slayer that you are pretending to be. Don’t worry; I’m not gonna tell anyone you’re sensitive and actually do like the idea of being with an attractive, intelligent woman that has her own values and motivations. I’m CERTAINLY not going to tell anyone that you like the idea of sitting down on the couch on a saturday night with someone you admire and who’s touch makes you feel like a real man more than going out to clubs and making out with some girl barely able to keep up with your conversation. Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.

But YOU need to start owning up to it and understanding that it is a man’s job to be different and to make her see something in you that she doesn’t see in any other guy. This is what we call “Giving Value”; the idea that people (women OR men) go to bars and clubs to have FUN and YOU can be the source of that fun. That is the purpose of routines or games or gambits or whatever you call it; to be a bit different enough to show her that you’re an individual. That, in itself, is actually quite attractive to women.

So, what’s the point? Is this some motivational rant about being a proper PUA? FUCK NO. Well, yes it is, but I want to give you something usable for the next time you’re in set because THAT’S HOW I ROLL.

Next time you’re in set. Tell this to a girl.

Tell her what, Gareth?

Well, anytime she teases you about a routine or a game or why you’re being different or weird or whatever (it really doesn’t matter), simply put a big grin on your face and say “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was being too different. Here; Let’s start over and I’ll be every other guy in the bar.” Then, put a stupid look on your face, slump your shoulders over, look down and say “So, what’s your name?”

If she doesn’t start laughing immediately, recite the conversation above. Eventually, she’ll burst out loud, playfully hit you on the arm and tell you to stop. You can smile and then tell her that that’s how every guy talks to girls at the bar and that’s not how you roll. Then, tell her about “Giving value” and all the things I’ve told you above.

That’s right. GIVE HER OUR PUA SECRETS!!! AHHHH!!!! BUT GARETH YOU MUST BE CRAZY!!!!

Here’s the deal. Demonstrating understanding of her world and a desire to improve it is VERY attractive to women. Trying to “seduce babes” and “bang bitches” is not. You’re not doing that right away, anyway, right? You don’t even know if you WANT to sleep with this girl yet because, for all you know, she might be a lunatic, right??? RIGHT??

Your job as a man is to make life more enjoyable. She’s going to want to stick around you. That’s why we teach the holistic method of game; If you want to get the get the girl of your dreams, you have to be the man of hers and it’s going to start with being different than every other guy out there.

Good luck.

First Text to Making a Date

Those of you that have followed my Text to Sex structure know that I have a very specific set of text flirting instructions for when you get a girl’s number and making a date.

The FIRST STEP (before ANYTHING ELSE when making a date) is to send this text: “Hey, it’s YOUR NAME. Save this number. It’s the most important one you’ll ever get. ”

There are VERY specific variations of making a date that I discuss with my students and in my iGame: From Text to Sex DVDs (Check out http://www.texttosex.com for info on the upcoming release) and the reason for this is because of all of the smallest elements hidden within this text flirt.

My first avocation is to make sure you send the first text flirt either BEFORE the end of the night (so she doesn’t get the text when she’s drunk or not paying attention, as it will go unnoticed and be functionless) or THE NEXT DAY (same reasons).

Once your response is received and your text connection is made (also called Text Compliance), you must KNOW what you’re going to do from the very beginning.

Ask yourself these questions:

• What is the point of me texting her?
• Am I trying to achieve something other than making myself feel good that I’m texting a girl?
• Or do I want to make our first date?

When you’ve answered that question: Act on it. There are three main purposes of texting and calling which I’ll get into in different articles, but for the purposes of our example, let’s make some plans with this chick.

Now, how do we make the transition after the first text is sent and responded to? We use the ABCs of Attraction’s brilliantly simple I.A.BT method. This stands for:

• I - Input
• A – Acknowledge
• BT – Banter (or Buying Temperature)

This is the act of taking her input, acknowledging it, and making her feel good with BT spikes or clever banter. Sound familiar?

Yeah. It’s just smalltalk. Get it?

OK. So what we’ve done is sent the first text flirt, she’s responded, we’ve had some witty repartee and, now that her BT is up (which means that she’s emotional and less prone to ask logical questions like, in this case, “What is this guy getting at?”) we’re going to initiate the first stage of making a date by finding out her schedule.

Save this text, it’s clutch: “WHAT’S YOUR SCHEDULE LIKE?”

This is EXTREMELY important because it eliminates that dreaded nonsense vortex where you just keep asking when she’s free and she keeps telling you when she’s busy. There are a lot of subtle indications that can be found in her response, but we’ll worry about that later.

This first step in the plan-making process is called the Date Bait.

Now, let’s take a look at my textbook example, of making a date from the first text, walking us through each step. This girl has a great sense of humor, is VERY witty (which, if you know me at all, you know I find VERY attractive) and on top of it all, she’s drop-dead gorgeous. Check it out.

Hope this breakdown helps! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some girls to talk to

-Gareth

[NOTE: This is a Lay Report by one of the students at a San Francisco bootcamp that I was helping coach with Johnny Wolf. It actually sounds like they could have pulled off a double Same Night Lay no less!]

Lay Report / Same Night Lay: Bootcamp & Preemptive Anti-LMR by Bullet

So this is a long overdue lay report and I’m posting it because JT asked where my lay report from bootcamp was. lol.

It was my second bootcamp and my first lay report / same night lay. This time I was out with the legendary Johnny Wolf. It was night two and my goal was to get a girl to sit with me and make out. I had an advantage over the other boot campers because I already knew what to expect.

At some point in the night I am by myself wandering the club. I decide to head to the bar to get a drink. As I’m waiting for the bartender to serve me, someone taps me on the shoulder. It was another boot camper (I will call him Wing 1) with a 3-set. Wing 1 says, “Hey man, she would fuck you.” He points at the girl in his 3-set.

“Oh my god! Why did you tell him that!”, the girl panics.

Wing 1 and I laugh. “It’s okay, I know him,” Wing 1 says.

“Hey, what’s up, man. Who are you’re friends?” I say. We make introductions then I get right into BT spiking the friend who said she would fuck me just to get the practice in. After a several minutes I leave the set.

Later in the night I approach a two set direct, “You ladies look very nice tonight in your dresses. It makes you look energetic.” They laugh and say thank you. I forget my exact words but it was something along those lines. I follow up with something that I can’t remember and right away I go for a compliance test. I put my hand for them to high five.

The first girl gives me a high five but the second girl gives me a high five and quickly interlocks her fingers with mine. It was very subtle of her but I knew what was up. At this point we are holding hands while I continue talking. At this point I knew it was no longer necessary to check for regular compliance tests because she had already telegraphed enough interest earlier in this lay report.

I get both of the girls to sit down with me. I grabbed one of the other boot campers (I will call him Wing 2) and had him wing for me and entertain the other girl. We talk about more comfort topics and conversation goes good. I slow down my voice and change the conversation to more sexual topics. It eventually led to us making out.

Later, I leave the girl to go to the bathroom. When I come back I see Wing 1 with the same group of girls, only this time it was a 2-set not too far from our table. Wing 1 comes up to me and says, “Hey man, I need your help.”

I agree to help him. My plan was to get her friend and BLP so that Wing 1 could isolate the girl. I never got a chance to do that. After a few minutes of talking, the girl who I was sitting down with pulls my arm and immediately grabs me to sit back down with her.

“You leave for a few minutes and already you’re talking to other girls!” She was upset with me. lol.

“What the fuck. Relax.” I say.

“Mmm Hmm! You know, I’ve been seeing you talking to a lot of different girls the whole night!” she says.

I get her to shut up and we make out again.

As the lights turn on I’m pretty tired and I’m ready to get out of the club and go to sleep. We exchange numbers and go our seperate ways. That could have been it, a field report instead of a lay report if it wasn’t for the timely intervention of one of the best PUA instructors out there.

Outside of the club I’m waiting for Johnny Wolf. I gave him a ride so I had to wait for him. Suddenly I get a call from Johnny, “Hey man where are you? Come over here right quick.”

As I approach Johnny he points at the girl from Wing 1′s 3-set and says to me, “Hey man. She wants to fuck you.”

At this point I’m full of anxiety and hesitation at the same night lay. Johnny was trying to set up logistics. Wing 1 had his girl isolated and Johnny got them in a cab. Johnny was going to take care of one of the other friends. So that left me to take care of the other friend. lol.

After much hesitation, Johnny pulls me to the side and has a firm talk with me. He tells me that I’m afraid to pull the trigger and if I don’t do this I fail at life. Haha. I think to myself, “Fuck you, Johnny, I’m not afraid to pull any trigger and I definitely don’t fail at life.”

Lay report it is then.

I walk over to the girl and grab her by the hand and to take her around the corner where we find a cab. She is pretty buzzed. We get in the cab and head back to her hotel room. When we arrive, she pays for the cab and I walk her to her room. We lay on her bed and talk a little bit more. She talks about how she thought that the other girl (one one that pulled me back down to have a seat) was my girlfriend. We talk some more and things escalate.

I think about the LMR tactics and I decide to do the Preemptive Anti-Last Minute Resistance (LMR) tactic. Maybe it wasn’t necessary for the lay report but I did it anyway. I can’t remember my exact words but I say something about not wanting to take advantage of her while she’s drunk. She assures me that she isn’t drunk…… right. She turns off the lights and it’s on.

The next day, Johnny debriefs my lay reportand he tells me he thinks I could have gotten laid twice in one night for a double lay report! He says that the girl I was making out with in the club was ready to go if I would have taken her outside of the club and that I could have came back for the other girl that Wing 1 needed help with. I thought that was funny but when I gave it a moment to analyze everything and let the moments sink in… I suppose it was true.

It helps to write out the lay report in order to mentally go back and evaluate how, why, where, and when things happen so you can learn from it and not make the same mistakes while repeat what made it a success.

In my Text To Sex program, I talk about the really cool (and very interesting) concept of ‘Textual Compliance’. Yes, it does sound similar to ‘Sexual Compliance’ and yes, that’s the point. Textual compliance is a great way to test a girl’s receptivity to sexual escalation over text (used to arouse her enough to get her thinking entirely emotional in order to bring her over to your place) and it is also fairly straight forward. It’s as simple as this:

Send a sexual statement or broach a sexual topic, being sure to include a safety net. If she complies, it is safe to continue escalation.

Much like general compliance tests or sexual compliance tests in person, her compliance demonstrates her willingness to escalate. For those of you a bit confused, let’s break down each element:

Sexual Statement: A sexually forward element of a conversation that, usually, can also be used as a throwaway statement.
Example:
You: “What are you wearing?”

For beginners, these are generally new conversation threads, but can be included in ongoing conversation by the quick witted.
Example:
Her: “The test was so difficult today!!”
You: “Do you like it when it’s hard?”

Sexual Topic: Very similar to the above, but more of a general delivery. This is always (read: I can’t think of an example when it’s not) a new conversation thread and is more clunky than a sexually forward statement in a new thread, and twice over as clunky as a sexual statement included in an ongoing conversation (covered above). This is a method to be used, but not preferred. Example: You: “Do you like kissing or cuddling better?”

Safety Net: The safety net is an element important JUST IN CASE. It’s purpose is to erase the gravity of a sexual statement that falls flat on it’s face. Now, I won’t pretend I have a lot of these racked up in my seduction memory banks, as they are VERY case-specific, but I will say that if you are naturally not as witty or as much of a quick-thinker as I am, you will need to design it BEFORE you send a Textual Compliance Text.

Example without Safety Net
Her: “The test was so difficult today!!!”
You: “Do you like it when it’s hard?”
Her: “Ew. Are you a creep or what??”
You: “Ehhhh.. I can’t think of anything to say because I wasn’t planning on it going this way so now I just have to look awkward and start a new conversation thread. #face palm” (You won’t really say that, but you know that’s what’s going to be going on in your brain)

Example with Safety Net
Her: “The test was so difficult today!!!”
You: “Do you like it when it’s hard?”
Her: “Ew. Are you a creep or what??”
You: “Dude, I was talking about the test. I would rather a test be hard because I study harder next time. Get your mind out of the gutter! J”
Her: “Oh crap you just played me now I’m thinking sexual stuff and you bailed out and made me look like a pervvvv!!!” (Again, she won’t really say that, but that’s what’s up)

Now, what is compliance? Compliance is when she escalates with you along the thread you’ve started. The purpose of this stems from the pure knowledge that her saying anything sexual (even if it’s just joking) will put her in a sexual frame of mind and at least get the sex-juices stirring a little bit. This level of involvement, however, extends over a spectrum. If you can imagine the Scale of Textual Compliance extends from Passing to Passing With Flying Colors, it will be a straight line. An example of Passing With Flying Colors would be her response to “Do you like it hard?” being “Ohh yeah baby, I looovvveee it hard. I wanna take your big hard etc etc etc”

The other end of the spectrum, however, is what I really want to focus on. Here’s a statement to ponder, given all of the previous information:

“To pass a Textual Compliance Text, she simply has to NOT FAIL.”

What do I mean by that? I mean that AS LONG AS SHE DOESN’T OBJECT, you still have license to keep escalating. Notable, also, is when a woman doesn’t DISAGREE with you in a situation of sexual escalation. Let’s look at a real-life example that encompasses both examples.

In this text between a girl I had already hooked up with, she was clearly wanting something from me and, as I am in the position to do with her, I basically just called her out in the most direct form of Textual Compliance I could have: I just asked her if she wanted to fool around. There was no sexuality broached before this and this is how I escalated. Hah.

For your info: She and I both live in Los Angeles, but she was home in Newton, Massachusetts for the holidays. Interestingly enough, I pointed out to her EXACTLY what the moral of this article is, which acted as ANOTHER Textual Compliance Text (which she passed). Take a look.

A Girl Flawlessly Passes My Textual Compliance Tests

You can clearly see that she’s complied by not saying that she didn’t want to (because I was sure to ask if she WANTED to hook up – there is a very distinct difference between asking a girl if she WANTS to do something and if she is GOING to do something) and then complied AGAIN, by not disagreeing with me.

Moral of the story, look for clues to her intentions in what she says, as that will often make it crystal clear as to how she’s feeling about the subject. I hope this article can shed some light on a few interactions you’ve had, or will have in the future.

Good luck,
-Gareth Jones

All decked out for NYE 2011.

Happy New Year! For the new year, a new thought:

Texting helps to understand her hesitation.

One of the best parts of text flirting is that people are willing to say things over text that they wouldn’t say in person. This is an advantage to us seducers, because we can push ourselves to be a little more direct, a little more dominant, and a little more sexual than we might be willing to be in person . Once we start getting positive reactions to these new efforts, it gives us more confidence to embody them in person and can help us transform to more dominant and sexual men (always good).

Recently, however, I had the brainstorm that this also plays a role in the way that we decipher those hard-to-read women. An incredible thing happened with a girl that I would love to share with you.

She was one of those women that was very frank. She did not speak very often, though everything she said was valuable. That is a rare quality in LA and, as my friend James Marshall said after I recounted our incredible first date to him, “How does it feel to date a girl that says very little and means what she says?”

Incredible, is how it felt, but it was also very slow-going. If I was to judge our relationship based on our body language, I would say she sorta liked me. Technical terms, of course. If I was to judge our relationship based only on the words she said, I would say she barely tolerated me. However, if I was to judge our relationship based solely on what went on in her eyes when we looked at each other, I could confidently tell you we were both hopelessly infatuated with each other.

You see the position I was in. Tough.

I was in this constant vortex, bouncing between did she really hate me or did she really like me. She had so many other guys around her, vying for her attention (as all high-value women do), that I really did not know if she was just an incredible attractive woman that hooked every guy with her incredible ability to speak love with her eyes, or if I really did make a connection and she just had a tough exterior (from every douche bag trying to get in her pants). I had to figure it out and, when she texted me one night (an IOI), I found the opportunity.

We texted for a while about mutual likes and dislikes for a bit (a must before delving into qualification), and then I told her how interesting it was that the impression I get when I look in her eyes is completely different from what she says to me. I told her that I thought she was cold-as-ice to me and she, much to my surprise, laid it right down on the line for me.

She explained simply that I hadn’t opened up to her enough for her to open up to me (ironic, because I thought it was the other way around!), and that she was very interested in me, but she didn’t know if it was safe inside my world, yet.

This was amazing and an incredible explanation for me. I’m one of a very select group of men in the world that have the pleasure of understanding most of what women are thinking, but sometimes we still get caught up and forget that, sometimes, the most simple way to find out is to ask her! Text allows us her the distance that acts as a buffer zone, so (in most cases) she won’t be afraid that we’ll take advantage of it.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that big relationship discussions should be held over text and I’m CERTAINLY not saying that it is a good way to find out things that you can use to manipulate a woman. What I want you to consider is that the same distance (buffer zone) that allows you the confidence to try things you’re a bit afraid of, can help her to feel more comfortable to ease into the more personal and relationship-oriented discussions at the beginning of a courtship. This text buffer-zone can be a great way to help understand where she’s coming from when interacting with you.

Remember that, even though beautiful women have more social experience and more experience dealing with the ups and downs of courtships, they are often still nervous about a man’s intentions. It is our job, much like every aspect of the seduction, to make sure that she’s comfortable and that she knows we have her best intentions at heart (because, you do – RIGHT??).

Hope this helps!

-Gareth Jones

Taken Directly from the Psychology Today website:

Please read this right now! WOAH!

Making an Impression Changes Your Perception

Remember this the next time you are about to meet someone new: the impression you’re trying to give influences how you evaluate the other person. That’s the finding of a study that included hundreds of participants who watched a short film and then discussed it with another participant. Half the participants were given an “impression management goal” to appear introverted, extraverted, smart, confident or happy. After the discussions, participants rated themselves and the person they had chatted with across several personality traits. Those with an impression management goal rated their conversation partner significantly lower on the trait they were trying to show in themselves, but not on other personality traits. This seems to happen because when we focus on embellishing a particular trait in ourselves, we unconsciously increase the standard for that trait in others–and they usually fall short. So just because someone you’re trying to impress doesn’t seem as outgoing, gregarious or confident as you are, don’t assume that they truly aren’t. It could just be that how you’re trying to come across has changed the game.”

Hollyyy crapppp! Just stew on this.

With the panel at the Australian PUA Summit

Something interesting for you:

Recently, I was asked to speak at the Attraction Masterclass Tour in Sydney, Australia. I had a blast and got to meet some great people, as well as catch up with some old friends. At the end of the weekend, a panel was selected to be on stage to answer questions from the audience, I was lucky enough to be included in said panel. Many of these questions ranged from “What do I do if a girl is…?” to “What kind of shirt should I…?”, but a great question came up about what influenced us, as seducers, the most. I’m not sure of the wording of the question, exactly, but virtually everyone’s answer included a list of several books.

Interestingly enough, very few of the books were Pickup-related. Of course, there were a few staples like The Way of The Superior Man (a book you’ve heard me wax poetic about, already) but, surprisingly, most of these books were science or psychology-related. Books like Multi-Orgasmic Man and The Red Queen were constantly being referenced as huge influences on success. This made it pretty obvious to the attendant crowd that the really good PUAs aren’t reading PUA material, we’re reading about why PUA stuff WORKS and how it affects the other aspects of our lives! Think about that one.

Now that we’ve explained why I’m always posting links from websites like Mindhacks.com, let me show you something that, though intended to be directly (and a bit blurrily) related to economics, is incredibly helpful in explaining Approach Anxiety (AA, for you PUA nerds out there. Including me.) and can, hopefully, lead to a train of thought  that will extinguish the brunt of it. The article is on Wired and is titled, “The Uncertainty Effect”. Check it out here. This article explains quite a bit and uses many examples of scientific studies that you can refer to, but let me break it down simply here:

When there is something that we want to do of which the result is unknown (let’s say, approaching a woman we’ve never met), the chance that we are about to take is laced with uncertainty (hence why it’s called “taking a chance”). We can take a stab at predicting the outcome, but we really are never going to be 100% sure of what will happen. There are so many factors involved in a successful approach and, before we actually talk to her, we can’t do much about many of them.

Maybe this woman’s had a terrible day and just wants to get drunk. Maybe she’s already incredibly drunk. There are so many outside elements to consider that the odds of the AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) successfully approaching are very, very slim. This is why you are so amazed and impressed when your favorite PUA (read: me) walks up to a group of extremely attractive women and starts a conversation: It was very unlikely that it would happen.

Now, don’t get me wrong; When you have practiced skills that are field-tested to success, this GREATLY minimizes the risk of failure, but the point is that most of us are conditioned to respond to this situation as if the outcome is completely uncertain.

Let me continue with the point, and I’m going to quote directly from the aforementioned article because it is so profound. (Ironically, they are discussing players in an experimental game, not players in THE game.)

“With less information to go on, the players exhibited substantially more activity in the amygdala, a brain area reliably associated with fear conditioning. In other words, we filled in the gaps of our knowledge with fear. And it’s this inexplicable fright – an irrational by-product of not knowing – that keeps us from focusing on the possibility of future rewards.”

Wait. Did I just read that right? When we don’t know what’s going to happen, our brain just feeds us fear?? WTF BRAIN?

Just as I have titled this article, we’ve just learned that science explains approach anxiety by showing us that uncertainty produces fear! This is where it comes from! It’s all explained!

AA is a huge subject in the community and, rightly so, because it is the first step. It is also one of the most emotional steps of your journey, but now we know that these emotions are brought  to you not because you are going to fail with her or not because you’re not in her league, but simply because you don’t know what’s going to happen. We all feel that right before we speak to a girl and, as your journey takes you further on your path to relationships and hopefully marriage, you’ll discover that we all still feel that fear of uncertainty everywhere in life. It will never go away, so we have no choice but to embrace it now,  or be crushed by it forever.

Allow yourself the freedom to experience that fear and to accept that it has nothing to do with you. Feel it, accept it, and go and talk to that banging blonde bombshell anyway, because you never know; that girl might be the girl of your dreams.

Better than yesterday,

-G

Why I dress the way I do.

Recently, the ABCs of Attraction was asked to give seven style tips for a piece called ‘Seduce with Style’ written by our friend AlphaWolf over at PUA Lingo and Seduction List.

While it floated around our company for review and edits, one of the points lit the fuse of a large powder keg in my mind. I felt that the tip, though only referenced briefly for the purposes of the article, should be expanded upon for greater influence and explanation. This tip was as follows:

“You’re Missing The Point of Peacocking.

Remember that “Peacocking” was originally the act of wearing ONE item that would give a woman a reason (and thereby, the opportunity) to approach you. Of course, the founding members of that theory took it to it’s extreme (as the fathers of a theory are wont to do – see: Socrates), but that does not mean WE need to. Nowadays, a feather boa and a cowboy hat go overboard and elicit negative impressions from women. Something subtle, like a well-chosen ring or a fancy tie-bar will set you apart from the rest, additionally proving that you have both style AND class.”

That pretty much makes clear the feelings I have about peacocking, but I’ve been receiving a lot of emails that are saying I’m speaking conceptually and not from actual experience. Most of these emails say that the rules I’m advocating are falling under the “Do as I say, not as I do” category. These objections are pretty easy to understand because, well, I look like this….

I will be the first to readily admit that my style of dress certainly does not hurt me when I’m sarging, but the reason it works is because my identity is congruent with my appearance (congruence is the state of things agreeing) and that indicates, subconsciously – in most cases, that I have no ulterior motives or intentions (intention, of course, is the purpose or attitude behind our actions).

Before even picking up The Game, I toured with several rock bands all around the country. My long-hair-don’t-care style of dress was a direct product of being on stage and leading a life of rock and roll sensibility since I was 16, not an attempt to Peacock. Because of this, I don’t think twice about the way I’m dressed when I’m with a girl. That is congruence.

Most of us have read The Definitive Book of Body Language (a MUST READ for all PUAs) and so we understand that because a woman has between 14 and 16 areas of the brain to evaluate other’s behavior (vs. a man’s four to six areas), she is going to be much better adapted to reading our intentions. In most cases, this is what sinks us when using canned routines, and what saves us when we are truly attracted to a girl, but are shaking in our boots.

When a woman feels we are being congruent, she interacts more freely with us, allowing the conversation to continue smoothly (provided you’re not saying anything jackasstastic). However, when a woman feels we are being incongruent, her female intuition (read: Spidey-Sense) starts tingling and we are on our way to the bottom of the pickup ocean. When your personality does not match your behaviors, actions or fashion sense, it reads like a big red warning sign to women and, since women are twice as good at interpreting not verbal cues than men are, she picks up on it right away!

Let’s break this down:

If you are dressing a certain way specifically to ‘get girls’ your style of dress will be incongruent with your personality which will make your intentions more obvious to women, setting off her biological alarms.

In general, I always encourage my students to dress in whatever way makes them comfortable, provided they make the effort to be presentable and stay congruent with their personality. You don’t need to spend an hour doing your hair or wear a $3,000 suit jacket every night and it is perfectly fine to be a jeans and a t-shirt kind of guy, but make sure you’re that all your clothing is clean and well fitting. This will transmit to women that you possess a personal style and that you pay attention to detail. And these qualities can be as compelling and attractive to her as a feather boa and cowboy hat is on another PUA.

I hope this helps!