If you’ve taken a bootcamp with me, you’ve heard me talk about the standard conversation men ALWAYS have with women at bars. In fact, I ALWAYS talk about this with guys because it is the point that, generally, any woman that has seen me speak at a conference or seminar or bootcamp consistently agrees with me on (and if you’re a woman and you disagree, please feel free to comment!). For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll elaborate.
When women go to bars, guys (not the ABCs Trained Guys!) generally make terrible conversation. After whatever opener they decide to use (lame or otherwise), they’ll end up falling off the face of planet interesting and ending up in the downward spiral of value-taking that looks something like this:
Guy: So, what’s your name?
Girl: Her response doesn’t matter.
Guy: Oh, cool. I’m Brad.
Girl: Nice to meet you, Brad.
Guy: Awesome. So, where do you live?
Girl: Response doesn’t matter.
Guy: Awesome. Did you go to school out there or….?
Girl: Yes/No. Doesn’t matter.
Guy: Oh, cool. Where did you go to school?
Girl: School. Doesn’t matter where she says.
Guy: Oh, awesome. I have a friend that goes there. So, what did you go to school for?
Girl: Doesn’t matter what she says.
Guy: Way cool. So, are you doing that now or….?
Girl: Yes or No. If no: What she’s doing now.
Guy: Oh, cool. Do you like that?
Girl: Yes/No. Doesn’t matter.
Guy: Oh, cool.
When I actually type it out, you can see how lame it is, but be honest and ask yourself if you’re guilty of conducting a conversation like this because I know I am.
A bunch of times.
In fact, any time I don’t want to talk to some squirrely girl that’s drunkenly wandered up to me while I’m with a 1on1 student or patiently watching some guys on a bootcamp in set, I’ll execute this conversation and she’ll just wander off, sad that I’m not as interesting as I look. Seriously. That’s how effective it is as a woman-repellent.
Now, look at it from the woman’s perspective; you are one of maybe 5 or 6 guys that have gotten past the opener and interested her enough for her to stand there and give you a shot. This is your shot.
Your job, as a man, is to emotionally engage her. It’s your job to be different and interesting and to provide stimulation so that she’ll want to spend more time with you. That’s how mating works.
A lot of the PUA community focuses on how to get her super sexually attracted to you so she’ll bang you in 3 seconds or whatever and, that’s all well and good, but that’s not going to build relationships and I know pretty damn well that most stable, intelligent, and emotionally-healthy men out there want CHOICE, not a billion quick lays that amount to nothing. Yes, this means you.
It’s okay. It’s okay. Settle down. No one’s gonna find out you’re not trying to be the pussy slayer that you are pretending to be. Don’t worry; I’m not gonna tell anyone you’re sensitive and actually do like the idea of being with an attractive, intelligent woman that has her own values and motivations. I’m CERTAINLY not going to tell anyone that you like the idea of sitting down on the couch on a saturday night with someone you admire and who’s touch makes you feel like a real man more than going out to clubs and making out with some girl barely able to keep up with your conversation. Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.
But YOU need to start owning up to it and understanding that it is a man’s job to be different and to make her see something in you that she doesn’t see in any other guy. This is what we call “Giving Value”; the idea that people (women OR men) go to bars and clubs to have FUN and YOU can be the source of that fun. That is the purpose of routines or games or gambits or whatever you call it; to be a bit different enough to show her that you’re an individual. That, in itself, is actually quite attractive to women.
So, what’s the point? Is this some motivational rant about being a proper PUA? FUCK NO. Well, yes it is, but I want to give you something usable for the next time you’re in set because THAT’S HOW I ROLL.
Next time you’re in set. Tell this to a girl.
Tell her what, Gareth?
Well, anytime she teases you about a routine or a game or why you’re being different or weird or whatever (it really doesn’t matter), simply put a big grin on your face and say “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was being too different. Here; Let’s start over and I’ll be every other guy in the bar.” Then, put a stupid look on your face, slump your shoulders over, look down and say “So, what’s your name?”
If she doesn’t start laughing immediately, recite the conversation above. Eventually, she’ll burst out loud, playfully hit you on the arm and tell you to stop. You can smile and then tell her that that’s how every guy talks to girls at the bar and that’s not how you roll. Then, tell her about “Giving value” and all the things I’ve told you above.
That’s right. GIVE HER OUR PUA SECRETS!!! AHHHH!!!! BUT GARETH YOU MUST BE CRAZY!!!!
Here’s the deal. Demonstrating understanding of her world and a desire to improve it is VERY attractive to women. Trying to “seduce babes” and “bang bitches” is not. You’re not doing that right away, anyway, right? You don’t even know if you WANT to sleep with this girl yet because, for all you know, she might be a lunatic, right??? RIGHT??
Your job as a man is to make life more enjoyable. She’s going to want to stick around you. That’s why we teach the holistic method of game; If you want to get the get the girl of your dreams, you have to be the man of hers and it’s going to start with being different than every other guy out there.