—— GUEST ARTICLE ——
I am not like most women out there; I don’t like to be hit on. This is not because I have some deeply routed self-esteem issue, because I feel like I’m not pretty or worthy enough…it’s none of that nonsense, I simply just don’t want someone bothering me.
If I’m out by myself or with friends, I’m not usually in the mindset of, “Oh, I wish someone would hit on me today.” In fact, that’s usually the last thing I’m thinking about. But you should pay attention, because I always have a boyfriend and can wrangle in most men because I’m witty, sardonic, charismatic and have a great rack. These aren’t daily affirmations I tell myself, it’s just true; I’m awesome, hard to get and always get what I want. I’m what you want to be.
You’re going to run into an independent woman like me, the ones that judge you the second they look at your shoes, ones that are career-focused and insanely busy, ones that ultimately, if caught, will always present you with a challenge and keep you laughing, so get your game ready.
The window of opportunity you have with us is even smaller than the one you usually have with most women.
You have 30 seconds tops, maybe less because I already put a wall up the second I saw you begin to walk over to me–you should know this because I’ve rescinded a little bit into my drink, chair, whatever. Open with a, “hi,” because that’s nice, but quickly follow up with a conversational question, like, “Have you seen the bathrooms in this place? They’re really gross.” or something super sarcastic. I will put my guard down if you come at it at an angle I wasn’t expecting. If you compliment me or say some canned line, I’ll know you’re trying too hard. It fall off of you like a poorly fitted suit and I’ll immediately know why you’re there. And then you’ll get shut down.
Do not offer to buy me a drink. Girls like me are self-sufficient and find it annoying when you want to do that. However, if we offer to buy you one, let us. A man who is confident enough to let a woman buy him a drink is a man worth talking to.
I enjoy a man who can keep up with my wit, so if I’m playfully insulting you, playfully insult me back. I’ll be bored and put off if you don’t know how to respond or look like I hurt your feelings.
I don’t time for guys who can’t take a joke.
Most women like me are into their independence, they like their jobs and their hobbies–they probably have a lot of them. If you can sense this is the case, ask about them and actually listen. By doing this, you’ve ignored the emotional side of me and dived into business talk, something I can appreciate. It also gives you the chance to tell me about your job and hobbies. Let’s hope you pass the test. Do you have a job? Do you like it? Do you have hobbies that encompass more than you watching football on Sundays? If not, please get some. Hobbies give you personality and raise your stock in like-minded eyes.
And finally, leave mid conversation. Women like me like to do the pursuing. We get what we want. I’ll come back for more if you left me hanging. If you l eave and I’m not interested, then I won’t come running, but I saved you from getting rejected, so either way you win. And don’t worry, if you go home alone, you got this. You can just get sex doll that looks like me or tape my face to a fleshlight–this way you don’t even have to listen to me talk and you still get the job done. You can find these beautiful items (minus my face) and more at Adam & Eve. Plus, girls love Adam and Eve. Stock up while you’re there.